If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
