wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
