I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
