Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
