im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
