Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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