we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Houston, we have a squirter
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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