Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My feet surprised me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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