I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
