i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
