I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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