I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
