When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
