What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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