dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
