I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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