my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
