I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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