God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
