im six kinds of drunk right now
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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