I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
