I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize