the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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