So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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