You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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