oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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