I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
