He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
