He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
