No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
