i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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