I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
