I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Vodka?
Forever.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
