dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize