Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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