i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
