i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
