I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
