I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
