you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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