i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
