i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
