there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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