She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
