Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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