I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
