He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
did you just send me my own nude
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
