she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
