well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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