"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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