I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
