I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
